Thursday, July 29, 2010

Strange, strange, strange.
The world has been abuzz with some pretty bewildering news lately, if not downright funny.
Gosh, even the tragic news appears hilarious.
Not sure what I'am referring to?
Then you gotta check out this excerpt.

"Police are hoping an autopsy will explain what caused a man to slump over in his chair and die while watching a screening of “The Twilight sage: ECLIPSE at a Wellington cinema."

Did you read that?
Someone actually passed away in a cinema watching Twilight?!?!
Guess Edward really did suck the life of someone then.
Poor thing.

Even better, while browsing facebook just few moments ago,
I came across this study that produced some startling conclusions about the apparent health benefits of ogling at women's breasts.

" A rather bizarre study carried out by German researchers suggests that staring at women's breasts is good for men's health and increases their life expectancy. According to Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist and author of the study, gawking at women’s breasts is a healthy practice, almost at par with an intense exercise regime, that prolongs the lifespan of a man by five years. She added, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female, is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out." The researchers declared that sexual desire gives rise to better blood circulation that signifies an overall improved health."

Whoa whoa hold on a second.
Do you mean just the presence of that girl-standing-in-the-train can possibly be the panacea for YOUR unhealthly lifestyle?
Is she the one to replace your treadmill and all your fitness workouts?
If it is,
I'am so totally going for it man.

Come on guys,
lets face it.
this HAS to be a cause for a celebration!
How can you ever find

In fact, we need to create an instruction manual.

Prototype 1:

Lee's guide to YOUR fantasy workout!

Before embarking on this magical journey,
it is important to note the safety precautions for it, as it is for every fitness activity.
There are numerous things that needs to be highlighted.
Extra caution is needed before undertaking this fun but potentially hazardous workout, especially for these personnel.

1) You're married.
2) You exercise with your girlfriend.
3) Your mum is watching.

In these rare situations,
dunt ruin your life.
Go to the gym instead.


Step 1:
Measure your resting heart rate (RHR) by placing your thumb sligthly in between your neck and your throat.
Record accordingly.

Step 2:
Stare at the photo below.
Repeat step 2 until you feel a tingling sensation.
           






















Step 3: Record your heartrate after 15 minutes of intense staring.
            Caution: Never ever allow your eyes to stray. You must be focused to achieve great things.
            This could lead to either of the following results.

Result 1: A significant improvement in heartrate. (Approximately 150 beats per minute)

What does it mean:
Congratulations! You're a natural at this! Plan carefully and your blood circulation will be perfect!
You'll be so healthy, you'll never have to worry about having a cardiac arrest for the rest of your lifetime!
However, if you ever feel necessary to change the image you're staring at, you are absolutely entitled to!
Over time, you may find it mandatory to look at living specimens.
Please go ahead.
No one is stopping you.
But bear something in mind.
If it is not an image, dun try to touch it.
Do that, and you'll have to make an appointment with a lawyer.
For more informaton, please check out "Lee's instruction manual for hiring the best...."

Result 2: Only a slight improvement in heart rate

Proposed solutions

1) Okay. The key, is to be specific. Pinpoint precision. Do not fret my friend. Scan through every pixel of the image carefully and determine for yourself at which point does your heartrate starts to accelerate the fastest. Sooner or later, you'll feel it. Everywhere.

2) Perhaps the image is not large enough! Try using your pc to zoom into the picture from 100% to about 150%. Do not exceed the 200% limit. Remember, you cannot compromise the quality of the picture for size. It has to be as clear as possible.

3) Watch a video instead.

Result 3: A decrease in heart rate

What does it mean:

1) You are gay.
2)You are gay.
3) You are gay.
4) You are girl that thinks you are a guy.
5) You are an in between
(Tragic, my condolences)

Proposed solution (for 1-4):

1) Stare at this image instead.